porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
