Say something about gay babies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
