Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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