did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Too much gin, very little bucket
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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