I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
