I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
