i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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