so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
