If that was your dad, he is hot
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
