If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
