somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
