I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
