I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
