I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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