I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
