Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
