I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
