at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
