Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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