I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
