no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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