Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
