allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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