i just had sex bonerless
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
