i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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