I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
