I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
