by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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