he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
