i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
