Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize