you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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