thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize