i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
