If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
