my vag is so smooth its legendary
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
