Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
