I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize