Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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