Pappa wants mamma naked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
