Plan B is the new Plan A
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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