I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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