we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
