there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
