Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
