We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
