party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
