quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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