Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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