I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
