MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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