Will you blow on my dice?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize