I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
