is your mom at the bar?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
