Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
