dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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