Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
