I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
