I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
