Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
