whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
