I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
