i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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