Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
