So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
