So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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