sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
