In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I believe in your delicious
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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