Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
